Christmas Won't Be The Same Without Her

Christmas is around the corner yet I could not convince myself to cherish this most awaited time of the year. It will be my family's first Christmas without the person who used to grace it with a sumptuous "Noche Buena"of mouth-watering meals and sweets all made from love. First time her smiling face will be unseen as she giggles upon compliments and requests of a take-home treat from each visitor. We will not be able to hear her sing along the carolers as she challenges them to sing 12 days of Christmas and in return, rewards them with a good amount of money and cookies she baked. We will not be able to witness how proud "lola" she is when she sees her "apos" all dressed-up like dolls. There will be no one to bug me off on what will be my partner's gift to her and say that she would rather have it in cash. 

Christmas would truly be different without mom. There will be no one to wait for us until we get home from the midnight mass on Christmas eve. We will not have the longest night of the year of non-stop eating, gambling and chit-chatting. It gives my heart unbearable pain knowing that she is no longer with us to celebrate the occasion however, ironically, it also lifts my heart knowing that she is now with the Almighty and the birthday celebrant. Maybe He wanted to taste her goodies too. :) Maybe "heaven" is actually where she should do her heavenly creme puffs, lemon squares, brownies, butterscotch and her "famous" chocolate cupcakes. Maybe they celebrate Christmas in heaven too and mom is needed there. Maybe.. 

One thing is for sure though, all the memories of Christmas we had with her will stay. It will be forever cherished and kept in our hearts. For all we know, she is just up above watching how we'll handle this. Good thing I have been practicing cooking. Tehee! 

Picture was taken at Luneta Park after her check-up in PGH. This was the last place she (at least in this state) has been with my brothers, niece and nephew. This Christmas, we will be celebrating there to rekindle the memory.